Psalm 139

I’ve been re-reading Psalm 139. I was first acquainted with this psalm when my grandfather suddenly died of an aneurysm. I was very close to him and in my grief I searched the Psalms to find something I could hold onto. I stumbled onto Psalm 139. My grandfather died in the mid 1980’s so it’s been some years. As I just re-read the Psalm, one word came to my mind.

Comforting.

It’s astounding to think that God could know our inmost thoughts, that he could know every word we say before we say it. Think about what has gone through your mind in the last 30 minutes, how many different thoughts, some of which you would not want anyone to know. And yet God knows our inmost thoughts, even the thoughts we have not known ourselves, the ones that are still forming. God sees us and knows us in ways we do not even know ourselves…and yet he does not retreat from us. He remains with us no matter what. 

Even if we wanted to flee from God’s Spirit, which the Psalm suggests, we could not do it. The Spirit of God pursues us, stays with us, remains in us. And in our darkest moments, he sees us, even when we can’t see him, or see our deepest selves. When all we can see about ourselves are the things we don’t like, he sees deeper, he sees the life that resides deep inside of us. Even the darkness is not dark to him. The night is as bright as the day.

Somehow he was involved in the fashioning of our bodies in our mother’s womb, in a very intimate and intricate way. He “knit us together”. Is it possible that he took delight in doing so? He must have because David said that he was “fearfully and wonderfully made”. God took delight in forming us body and soul. We represent who he is by our mere existence. Even more so because his Spirit resides in us because of Jesus.

He knows all of our days on this fleeting earth. The older we get the more fleeting it becomes. All of our days were written in his book, his personal diary. Something that he holds very dear. Somehow every day of our short lives on this earth are very dear to him. So dear, that he wrote it down, perhaps as a testimony of his deep love for us. And that our very messy lives somehow mean something to him. What we cannot seem to sort out, he is sorting out. He is the only one who can.

His thoughts were precious to David and they were vast to him, like the grains of sand. I was recently on a beach and picked up a small handful of sand. Vast is an understatement. My mind went to the Bible. God’s thoughts written down for us. I’ve been reading the Bible since the age of 16. I am now 61. I picked up the Bible tonight and felt overwhelmed by it, not in a bad way but in a good way. How much of his love and passion and truth are poured into these words! It’s overwhelming. No one can master the Bible. It’s not meant to be mastered. Rather, it is meant to reveal the heart of our good, good God. 

And knowing God through the Bible does not make us into nice Christians. David’s anger is palpable as he asks God to slay all of God’s enemies. It is worth noting that he asks and does not take matters into his own hands. There is evil that we are meant to hate as much as David hated it. There is evil in the world that we should passionately hate. And there is evil in us that as we mature in Christ we passionately hate. Thankfully it is not what is deepest in us. But it is a good prayer to say along with Blaise Pascal “God hate all that is wrong in me. Love all that is good in me.”

Is God so humble, so gentle that he wants to be invited to search our hearts? He wants us to invite him in. Jesus stands at the door and knocks. Especially with those who know him already. Even with us he does not use a battering ram. “Search me Oh God and know my heart.” These are David’s words. Words that I believe God delights in. He wants us to ask. He wants to be invited. “See if there is any grievous way in me.” Another prayer that delights God. That we would be porous. That we would be open to how we still grieve his heart and fail to love others. The more we see this, the more free we become. Free to love with the love of God. Fierce and beautiful at the same time.

Comforting words for our often times fickle and trembling hearts. God is nearer than we think. He will get his work done. May we have ears to hear and hearts to respond.

The best is yet to come.