Turning Our Chairs

Normally this time of year, I find myself struggling with dark thoughts. This is the first year, in a long while, when that has not been the case. It feels strange to me to be aware of a lightness in my spirit. Honestly, I don’t know fully what to make of it. 

My mind has gone in different directions:

Some say that the Christian journey should become easier as we get older. I am not of that camp. And though while I’m grateful for the lightness, I know I will continue to face hard seasons the further I move down the salvation road.

Could it possibly be that I’m in a good season of life? Is that why I sense the lightness? I suppose this could be the case to some degree. I think it is fine to enjoy good seasons of life when they come. And I can think of many things to be grateful for this year. Yet, I don’t think this is the central reason either.

Could it possibly be that I’m taking better care of myself? That could be the case. I am dealing with some health issues that have pushed me in this direction; eating better, exercising a bit more. However, this doesn’t seem to get at it either, at least not centrally.

Diane and I are meeting with a group of people, and have been for 2 years now. We are a group of 11 people. I would consider this group of people my church. We meet once a week, and the purpose of the time is to meet each other in the present moment. I would consider this group of people very safe. It is a place where Diane and I can share honestly knowing that the others will do their best to hear us and meet us wherever we are in the present. Other than safe, I would consider these people also wise. They bring to the time a growing understanding of biblical/relational theology that informs their thinking. So, I experience them as both safe and wise. They would say the same about Diane and I. When we leave each Sunday, whether we are talking about my life or someone else’s, Diane and I feel like our souls have actually met with each other, and these folks. To use a metaphor that a mentor once taught me, we actually “turn our chairs toward one another”. To use another phrase that came from the same mentor, our Sunday meetings is a place where we all feel safe to “look bad in the presence of love”.

I think that this is more centrally the reason why I sense a lightness in my soul. I have felt known, deeply so, and also loved. I have had the opportunity to give and receive in a community that is becoming increasingly honest with each other. I think having been part of this kind of community for 2 years is slowly shifting something in me. Hence the lightness.

I want to be careful here. I don’t feel as though this community exists to make me feel this lightness. That would be a community of pressure. Nor do I think I will only feel lightness in the future. Even now I am aware of soul struggles that remain, and I suspect will remain to a large degree until I’m in heaven. I think I can say that the lightness I feel is a natural byproduct of looking bad in the presence of love. Something I only knew in theory and am now, at 61 years old, beginning to experience a bit more in reality. It is what we all long for whether we can put words to it or not.

It brings to mind Psalm 133:1 “How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity.” I believe I am experiencing this in a new way, hence the shift in me.

I hope the same for you. Not so much the lightness. That will come and go I suspect. But a community that is safe enough for you to “look bad in the presence of love.” Maybe it will be just one person? Or a group of people. However it looks, this is what I hope for you.

Merry Christmas. The best is yet to come.